Living With Edgar's Dying

The moment I started working at Joe's was the moment Edgar took me under his wing and watched out for me. He had an endearing ability to make me laugh that was priceless and no matter how stressful a situation he could always find away to just laugh at it. He protected me like a little sister and opened up with me like a best friend. It was amazing how instantaneous it all occurred. One of those rare and blessed events where you feel that instant kinship, kind of like love... it can be quite scary. Friendship for me would never be the same again. Life would never be the same again.


It started out as a friendship often does; I was new to the city, if not a little scared of it.I had just moved again, my life of nomadic wandering confines. The new city San Fransisco: the previous city Snohomish Washington.Two very different environs.Although I had visited many times, now was different. I was now a resident! A feeling similar to being new to a school,feeling misplaced and  hoping to make new friends.Two weeks into the move and after applying for several places, I narrowed my choices down to New Joe's soon after on the floor at Joe's,we met.
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I needed that, Edgar was beautiful in every sense of the word; he was from Puerto Rico and he had blond hair and blue eyes ignited by a gorgeous spark. His spark so intense you could feel electricity  from his , Edgar loved being alive. It was a quality we shared, and my love of life would only grow after what we shared.To be honest I did not have a lot of exposure to the gay community since Las Vegas is a cowboy, redneck kinda town. None of this really mattered,love is good love, after all we only have two choices given to us.


Daily work routine often included Edgar seeing some cute guy and him saying, "Ha-day, oh Ha-day!" (he said this like the J was a H (Spanish pronunciation) like  "Jesus"  is "Hey-zoose".) Alas he would say "Haday, chew know dat cute guy, right dare (pointing at a guest in my section)- he is fabulous!" next he put a plate in front of me and saying "dis peice of cheesecake is for heem!" I would next venture fourth with my cheesecake or whatever sweet treat to comp my guest, and by the end of the night I was raking in the bucks!


My brain has a view of his face although I do not have a photo which is hard. I clearly hear his voice with the  Ricky Ricardo accent, and I smile. He loved to talk about sex, and I loved that about him! So many people have such a hang ups about sex, not Edgar! He would tell me his tales of life the entanglements the fun fanfare.What I did not do myself I could invariably live out vicariously through my sweet Edgar.I was living in the Richmond District of San Fransisco which is located directly north of Golden Gate park. Like any big city it can be scary and intimidating. Although I have a pretty fearless outlook on life, I was not in my own element and therefore needed to heed some caution.

Edgar my true friend even loyally walked me home each night. this entailed taking it through San Fransisco's  famed  Tenderloin district.  Every night he would escort me home. His final destination Oakland  took a whopping 3 more buss's followed by a Bart. As you can imagine with all the time we spent together it developed into a very strong friendship pretty fast. We continued to bond like great friends do, we shared our hopes and our fears, we shared sad and tragic parts of our lives, we shared things I once preferred stay a secret, he was my best friend. He was definitely my gay husband!

Inevitably I had to move to Seattle  had being the operative word here. I loved San Fransisco and hated to leave, only their was no choice. (That is another story of child custody and abduction.) So, I moved to Bellevue, Washington to take care of an epic situation. Amidst all of this the O.J. Simpson trial was constantly playing in the background. One day I found some time to call Edgar to see how he was doing. When he answered the phone he was amazed to hear I was calling of my own volition. Edgar explained that he called 2 days earlier, and it turned out my son had forgotten to tell me.

As soon as I heard him speak I could tell something was wrong, how wrong I could never have envisioned. He explained his choice to call me was important, and everyone he needed to contact he would be contacting today. Some things he needed to say today, woah, this was serious. "Ha-day" he said "I wanted to let you know I went to the doctor's office and I found out I have this AIDS thingy-choo you know?" his voice was raspy, gentle. I could not speak, I did not know how to. He continued saying "and you know that means I am going to die." I searched for my brain's portrayal of the English language, searching for words to say. What do I say?

Spilling out of nowhere words gushed forward "Edgar, I could  fly down to see you, anytime, I could fly out soon?" (because I love you and I can not imagine going into the next moment without hearing you) he said  "My Ha-day why do you want to see me?" his voice sounding incredulous and stammering "I whood want dat I coood see choo," he continued in his sweet gentle voice, no longer sounding incredulous, "I whood wanchoo too, but I would not have hasked choo to." 

His voice lowered when he said, "choo know dat I heeve lost much weight, most my hair eaze now gone~I am not dee Edgar choo once knew" I couldn't believe what he was saying my heart trying to comprehend it.It seemed while I could not imagine not being able to see him, he could not imagine why anyone would want to. Edgar was  genuinely confused why I would want to see him. "I can fly out this weekend" I said and with that my life would begin to change in leaps and bounds.