Open Windows 101

The way I see it, life is much like looking into many open windows. Looking through these open windows can enable us much growth. Staying open to the world as we gaze into it's magic brings the world into clearer focus. Many times we are baffled by how others behave. Baffled for as many reasons as there exists many realities. The human animal is so unique and strangely true. Try remembering how a single reality is never possible, knowing a single reason is never the truth. In  reality we have no place giving advice on how to think.To substantiate this reality you need only one tool. 

The tool is passing open windows and even looking in!  This mighty power to heal is available to all.  We will never be capable of fully grasping our human potential so be accepting of that. Acceptance, so that we begin to take it easier on ourselves and fellow humans. After all every time we humans feel we finally have it sussed Bl@mM0! Life throw's a curve ball, oftentimes  we mistakenly beat ourselves  wishing we made better choices. Life can be immensely painful and with no rule- book we can only try minute to minute.

Kahlil Gibran On Love

Kahlil Gibran/On Love

From The Prophet
When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams
as the north wind lays waste the garden. For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth. Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast. All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart. But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love. When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, "I am in the heart of God."
And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

Living With Edgar's Dying

The moment I started working at Joe's was the moment Edgar took me under his wing and watched out for me. He had an endearing ability to make me laugh that was priceless and no matter how stressful a situation he could always find away to just laugh at it. He protected me like a little sister and opened up with me like a best friend. It was amazing how instantaneous it all occurred. One of those rare and blessed events where you feel that instant kinship, kind of like love... it can be quite scary. Friendship for me would never be the same again. Life would never be the same again.


It started out as a friendship often does; I was new to the city, if not a little scared of it.I had just moved again, my life of nomadic wandering confines. The new city San Fransisco: the previous city Snohomish Washington.Two very different environs.Although I had visited many times, now was different. I was now a resident! A feeling similar to being new to a school,feeling misplaced and  hoping to make new friends.Two weeks into the move and after applying for several places, I narrowed my choices down to New Joe's soon after on the floor at Joe's,we met.
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I needed that, Edgar was beautiful in every sense of the word; he was from Puerto Rico and he had blond hair and blue eyes ignited by a gorgeous spark. His spark so intense you could feel electricity  from his , Edgar loved being alive. It was a quality we shared, and my love of life would only grow after what we shared.To be honest I did not have a lot of exposure to the gay community since Las Vegas is a cowboy, redneck kinda town. None of this really mattered,love is good love, after all we only have two choices given to us.


Daily work routine often included Edgar seeing some cute guy and him saying, "Ha-day, oh Ha-day!" (he said this like the J was a H (Spanish pronunciation) like  "Jesus"  is "Hey-zoose".) Alas he would say "Haday, chew know dat cute guy, right dare (pointing at a guest in my section)- he is fabulous!" next he put a plate in front of me and saying "dis peice of cheesecake is for heem!" I would next venture fourth with my cheesecake or whatever sweet treat to comp my guest, and by the end of the night I was raking in the bucks!


My brain has a view of his face although I do not have a photo which is hard. I clearly hear his voice with the  Ricky Ricardo accent, and I smile. He loved to talk about sex, and I loved that about him! So many people have such a hang ups about sex, not Edgar! He would tell me his tales of life the entanglements the fun fanfare.What I did not do myself I could invariably live out vicariously through my sweet Edgar.I was living in the Richmond District of San Fransisco which is located directly north of Golden Gate park. Like any big city it can be scary and intimidating. Although I have a pretty fearless outlook on life, I was not in my own element and therefore needed to heed some caution.

Edgar my true friend even loyally walked me home each night. this entailed taking it through San Fransisco's  famed  Tenderloin district.  Every night he would escort me home. His final destination Oakland  took a whopping 3 more buss's followed by a Bart. As you can imagine with all the time we spent together it developed into a very strong friendship pretty fast. We continued to bond like great friends do, we shared our hopes and our fears, we shared sad and tragic parts of our lives, we shared things I once preferred stay a secret, he was my best friend. He was definitely my gay husband!

Inevitably I had to move to Seattle  had being the operative word here. I loved San Fransisco and hated to leave, only their was no choice. (That is another story of child custody and abduction.) So, I moved to Bellevue, Washington to take care of an epic situation. Amidst all of this the O.J. Simpson trial was constantly playing in the background. One day I found some time to call Edgar to see how he was doing. When he answered the phone he was amazed to hear I was calling of my own volition. Edgar explained that he called 2 days earlier, and it turned out my son had forgotten to tell me.

As soon as I heard him speak I could tell something was wrong, how wrong I could never have envisioned. He explained his choice to call me was important, and everyone he needed to contact he would be contacting today. Some things he needed to say today, woah, this was serious. "Ha-day" he said "I wanted to let you know I went to the doctor's office and I found out I have this AIDS thingy-choo you know?" his voice was raspy, gentle. I could not speak, I did not know how to. He continued saying "and you know that means I am going to die." I searched for my brain's portrayal of the English language, searching for words to say. What do I say?

Spilling out of nowhere words gushed forward "Edgar, I could  fly down to see you, anytime, I could fly out soon?" (because I love you and I can not imagine going into the next moment without hearing you) he said  "My Ha-day why do you want to see me?" his voice sounding incredulous and stammering "I whood want dat I coood see choo," he continued in his sweet gentle voice, no longer sounding incredulous, "I whood wanchoo too, but I would not have hasked choo to." 

His voice lowered when he said, "choo know dat I heeve lost much weight, most my hair eaze now gone~I am not dee Edgar choo once knew" I couldn't believe what he was saying my heart trying to comprehend it.It seemed while I could not imagine not being able to see him, he could not imagine why anyone would want to. Edgar was  genuinely confused why I would want to see him. "I can fly out this weekend" I said and with that my life would begin to change in leaps and bounds.

Do Not Judge Snip, By SmittyJ

A thought for what may be going on for our fellow humans as we rush around trying to accomplish our daily tasks the way we see fit.As you look around today tomorrow and in our future and past try to be cognoscente that verily you are not the only creature walking this earth with only the goals you need to accomplish.Imagine when someone say calls in to work they really are sick, perhaps sicker than you may know.That when someone has to cancel out on something or is late for something or perhaps takes a little longer to learn something than you may like that indeed their may be a reason for this.And if that person never tells you the story of what that may be that's okay, just remember we are each different and are trying to cope with this craziness called life in our own ways the best we can. Like John Lennon said , give peace a chance.Self serenity and thankfulness that we have another day and other ways to continue on this path to humanity.Remember who you are and do not crave to play with those fundamentally different from you, if you give in to the idea to be like other people you too could turn into a heart as cold as stone.And for those of you have experienced this type of thoughtless behavior targeted at you remember this, do not judge yourself by a standard that is not your own, honor your own lost magnificence and by doing so you will restore it.Let your inside reflect on your outside, if it is not what you would like to see than know that you have the power to change it.

Power Of Words: Speak Of Death With Words Of Life

Power Of Words: Speak Of Death With Words Of Life